Why “Just Get Out There and Talk” Isn’t Universal Advice

What one conversation with a polyglot taught me about adult learners, assumptions, and the realities behind learning a new language

I was having a conversation with a polyglot. I was amazed when she said she knew 6–7 languages. She admitted her French was slipping since she didn’t use it much, but still—six languages? We were talking about learning languages. I’m taking classes to learn Spanish, and another person there was trying to learn Arabic. I love hearing how other people approach language learning.

Boldly and confidently she said, “You shouldn’t go to school to learn a language. If you really want to learn a language all you need to do is just get out there and talk all the time.” Who could deny it? This method had clearly worked for her.

She was 32 and already knew six or seven languages. Three of those she learned before adolescence, which meant her brain had been prepared for language learning long before adulthood. She is single and extremely outgoing, able to do whatever she wants without worrying about anyone else. She grew up speaking Arabic at home while living in Sweden, where most people learn Swedish and English. Her personality is bubbly, loud, and outspoken, and she thrives in conversation. For someone like her, this method worked very well.

Yet, this type of message can really discourage adult learners. What works for one person doesn’t always work for another, and sometimes it simply can’t. One of my friends has lived in Spain for around seven years. The first two years she studied at a language school and eventually passed into B2, but she still isn’t sure she really reached that level. She told me how frustrating it is when people act like learning a language should be easy. One person even told her that people “just aren’t trying” if they have been in a country for years and are still not fluent. She was discouraged after all the hard work she had put into Spanish yet still didn’t feel close to fluent. These kinds of bold statements are based only on one person’s experience rather than research or a broader understanding of adult learners.

It is really hard to “get into the language” as an adult. People are usually not patient with language learners unless it is part of their job. You can talk with people you shop from or order food from, but how do people who are not super outgoing move past those basic interactions? And what if someone is not on a work visa? How are they supposed to practice without classes? How do you start speaking when your vocabulary is not large enough for conversations beyond asking for a coffee or where the women’s shoes are?

I didn’t really start learning Spanish until I was 30. I grew up in the suburbs of the Midwest in the 80s and 90s. No one I knew spoke Spanish until I was much older, and even then they didn’t speak it to me. When I was in Mexico at 30, I didn’t learn as much Spanish as I wanted because my job was to teach in English, and the school required the students to speak English to me. The only “getting out there and talking” I could do was at stores and restaurants, and even then my mind often went completely blank when someone spoke to me. I would always look at my husband to answer. He put far less effort into Spanish than I did, yet somehow could always blurt out a sentence or two.

When I started learning my second language in a serious way, I had a family and three kids. Between school and work I tried hard to squeeze in time to study Spanish, but that often happened only after the kids were asleep. I couldn’t go out then. Even now, I don’t think I would get enough speaking practice if I didn’t take 20 hours a week of classes. I’ve heard similar stories from adults learning English in the United States. Many of them worked full-time or stayed home with their children. They had families, and they often didn’t have the time or access to take regular language classes the way I am able to now.

Even hearing all of this reminded me that every adult learner carries a different set of challenges and circumstances. I found myself thinking about that long after.

I really appreciated this conversation because it made me think more carefully about what I am doing with this project. I thought about all the interviews and conversations I have had with people learning another language and how different every story has been. Listening to so many perspectives has shown me just how unique each person’s path really is.

It also made me think about how teachers sometimes make the same assumptions she made. If something works for us, we often assume it will work for our students. We teach in the ways we like to learn or the ways we were taught, sticking to what feels familiar or comfortable. This project is forcing me to question those habits and listen more intentionally. And that is why this conversation stayed with me long after it ended.

This young lady’s example is one reason I want to, and am, interviewing multiple people. No two learners carry the same history or circumstances. We all learn in our own ways, shaped by our responsibilities, personalities, and experiences. That’s why we need to be careful with assumptions. What works beautifully for one person may not fit someone else at all.

Universal advice rarely fits universally.